Five tips for working with bully-behaviors

When I was a kid, I hated seeing other kids bullied. I’d run at the bully with my arms out-stretched or head lowered ram-like to shove the bully away from his target. Then I’d run away as fast as possible to avoid revenge.

As I’ve matured and gained experience as a mediator and conflict engagement specialist, I’ve learned other (more useful) ways of dealing with people and their bully behaviors. Here are five tips to help you when bullying behaviors threaten your work group.

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Want behavioral change? Ask the right questions

Yesterday I was in the office of Ted Harris, Transit Operations Manager. On his white board was a sign that read: How can we…? During our conversation, I found myself referring to that sign over and over again. This morning I read a blog by Tammy Lenski Can one good question change behavior? and found myself inspired.…

Opening to happiness

It was the perfect opportunity for a meltdown, had I wanted one. New to town, I had missed my exit three times, driving back and forth on that pot-holed strip of I-5 in Seattle between 520 and I-90, late at night, in the pouring rain, after a long day of work and an evening workshop,…

How do you work with stress?

We all experience stress in the workplace to varying degrees. Some stress is helpful. Some not so much. Some stress occurs due to external changes in our environment like reorgs or budget deficits. Other stresses are internally induced, like trying to learn a new skill or struggling through a difficult conversation. Given all the stressors you deal with day to…

How can we help each other learn about equity?

You’ve been in one of those meetings when someone asks, “What does equity mean?” And then silence fills the room. That silence happens not because we don’t have insights to share, but often because we don’t feel safe sharing them. We worry about being judged as ill-informed, uncaring, or worse. If we are going to create equity within our…

Lean and the eighth waste

Recently at King County there has been buzz about an article by Larisa Benson titled Reclaiming the People Side of Lean (Or How We Lost Respect) In it, Benson argues that the fundamental principle of lean – respect for people – has been lost in translation. As lean spreads from manufacturing to other industries, more…

Taming the calendar—active reflection for busy work lives

I have a dilemma at the core of my work as a conflict consultant. I wonder if you have a similar challenge. Most of my work happens in meetings. In any given day I might facilitate a group, coach an individual, teach a class, help plan an upcoming event, attend a staff meeting, and/or mediate…

What’s your parenting, er, supervising style?

A book about parenting style has me wondering about supervision within the workplace. I don’t mean to suggest that parenting and managing are equivalent roles. But parenting and managing share two important characteristics: there is a power-dynamic inherent in the relationship; human beings are involved on both sides of that power-dynamic. And occasionally I’ve heard frustrated supervisors…

Invest in learning, not training

When we see a problem in the workplace, it’s common to land on training as a solution. We hope to eliminate waste, become effective managers, or learn to resolve conflicts with difficult coworkers. We look at our budget, hire a trainer, and have a great class. As a trainer, I love that solution. It funds work…

From conflict to transformational results

If you want to understand how to transform conflict into smarter results and stronger relationships, watch Alan Honick’s short film Seeing the Forest. It’s a story about transformation—from singled-minded management to inclusive leadership; from positional conflict to values-based collaboration; from focusing on discrete objects (trees) to seeing integrated systems (the forest ecosystem: trees, salmon, and let’s not forget the…

Move beyond staying positive

I recently spoke with a man struggling to stay positive within his workplace. Several months earlier he had committed to changing his attitude. He had spent too many years complaining with coworkers and leaving the office at the end of the day emotionally exhausted. He didn’t want to be part of the toxicity that permeates his work group anymore.…

Team struggling? Let their greatness guide them.

Have you ever been on a team that seemed to lose its way? You knew it was struggling because team members triangulated and created cliques within the team, found unity against a common foe like management, or went silent about issues that impacted their goals. Toxic attitudes and poor results are telltale signs of a team in trouble. Next…

Lean leadership

You hear a lot about “eliminating the waste” as Lean practices take hold in departments across King County. It’s exciting to hear employees talk about their work, how their roles interact to create value for their customers, and how they can change processes to increase efficiency. You hear their passion mount as they think through…

Tell it from the other side

I am often my own worst enemy when my difficult conversations fail. Not because I don’t know what I want. But because that’s all I’m focused on—what I want. And if I’m honest with myself, I’m also confident that I’m right wanting what I want, which means that that other person must be wrong as…

Conflict Clinic

Engaging conflict one conversation at a time